is that a fake id, sir?
19 August 2005

i have found a new insecurity, fueled by a combination of factors. over the last year i've gotten to meet a lot of guys that had a penny's worth of "jen potential." in other words, she may or may not have pondered (for just a sec) a relationship with them or some such. anyway, they have all turned out to be disasters in the personality department, or lazy, or too blah, or even possibly of the womanizing variety. i say these things to pump myself up, because of course she is with me and hopefully things will always be that way. there is a comparison that won't leave my thoughts, though. for the most part, these men look like men, like they have officially graduated from hollister to eddie bauer. they have placques that say they can now let their body hair hang out of the top of their button-ups. i know these are things i would never like to compare myself with, but for some reason i kinda do a little. i am 24, but it doesn't surprise me to be mistaken for a 16-year old some days. i used to substitute teach a few years ago and get mistaken for a 10th grader. infuriating.

so that is one thing; here's another: i now have a twin. for real, an identical twin. he's a freshman at faulkner now, and i swear this dude looks exactly like me, carries himself exactly like me, talks, walks, grins, everything like me! that could be fun, but it's not. it would be funny except that he's 18 and i'm 24. those are two totally different age brackets! i should be graduated from college already and out in the real world, making a living, not on the 5 year plan after having already taken 2 years off of school.

i'm in one of those places where i'm aching to feel my age, and wondering, "just what exactly does acting 24 look like?"

to close, a fun memory. back at acu my sophomore year some guys and i had an experiment that involved a cup of hi-c, a window sill, and a penicillin culture. we came back from fall break to find that this cup of hi-c sitting on the window sill for a week had developed a beautiful layer of mold across the surface. jeremy jackson, the owner of said mold, named it facetious, and over the next 2 months we proceeded to visit facetious every day, feeding it more and more little treats. last i recall, the mold ate 3 club members and an ra, whose disappearances were attributed to college burnout and seasonal affective disorder. really, this thing did just about overgrow the cup. it was huge, and i would walk in every now and then to give facetious a little pick-me-up of orange juice or koolaid. what were we thinking?

check it out - 01.20.07
vapor - 11.15.06
can't complain - 11.10.06
turn the page - 11.09.06
who invented the word "me-maw"? - 09.28.06

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