lead of love
07.25.06

it is about time i returned to the world of blogging. after almost 2 months of not writing in this thing it is time to start back refreshed. not that i was tired of writing, though- with the big hubbub over the job i was looking forward to with the gbi, i made a smart move and erased all signs of my existence on the web. i read story after story about folks getting canned for having their personal and professional life mix in their blog, and that was sobering enough for me to get a notion and axe my own, as well as myspace and facebook.

i didn't get the job. it was right within my grasp. i aced an interview, written exams, a polygraph test, credit check, reference checks, background investigation, and even got fingerprinted, and in the end it still wasn't enough to get me the job. i got a nice little "best of luck" letter. quaint.

so i think i'm moving. again. back to montgomery. i've reasoned and prayed and found that yet again God is opening up paths for me that i never would have taken on my own. i have to admit, i have always had a small little hiding place for pride in my heart, and it constantly stores up stacks of ideas, like:

1. i am too good to live in a town like montgomery.
2. i am so good at everything, my dream job will be handed to me!
3. i am better than so-and-so.
4. how can she resist my charm?
5. i am the center of attention, and rightfully so.
6. i am funnier.
7. i am more humble (ha!).
8. i work so much harder.

"God, i thank You that i am not like other men- robbers, evildoers, adulterers- or even like this tax collector." -luke 18:11

no!

when did i let my guard down so much that i allowed myself to be gripped with such great pride? what a foolish, pig-headed man i've been!

"God, have mercy on me, a sinner." -luke 18:13

i got to atlanta of my own strength.
i took on 2 jobs at once of my own strength.
i settled in and endured as long as possible, all of my own strength.
what has it gotten me?

i have not relied on the Lord to comfort me, i have not served Him like i should, and i have not given Him praise and thanks for sustaining me. i have prided myself in getting this far. after 2 months in a different place i have not put down roots, i have struggled with depression, i have seen things resurface that were thought long gone, i have no newfound friends of significance, and i have despaired of loneliness. i have become a one-man pity party of misery.

i think this is that whole "had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view" thing happening. my hat's off to caedmon's call for the reminder.

but God still provides. i said that He is still opening up new paths for me, and out of all places i think He is leading me back to montgomery. how humbling is that? the one place i swore i would never want to live again because it was so boring or so ghetto or so backwoods is just where God may want me to be! if that is His will, then i guess i need to do some more growing up and accept it. i see so many opportunities already for ministry and personal growth there- things i refused to see when i was so dead set on moving to the atl.

now if only i had a job and a place to live there...
the hunt begins!

check it out - 01.20.07
vapor - 11.15.06
can't complain - 11.10.06
turn the page - 11.09.06
who invented the word "me-maw"? - 09.28.06

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