worth
i just love that line, from sanctus real's song "everything about You." it's quite a nice thought.
i've started to come into a state of mind that is not ashamed to be open about belief, that doesn't fear exposure in regard to faith and the multimillion differences found therein. i'm finding this desire to grow, to study, to understand doctrine, to figure things out for myself some more. i think my first exposure to the Church of Christ really froze my intellect in its tracks about 6 years ago when i went to college at acu. it's been as if my fragile faith reacted and shut itself off from spiritual dialogue that ever entered realms of controversy, especially within the presence of people that seemed like theological giants. to be fair, i have learned a great deal from the churches of Christ, but my mental reaction has also stunted my spiritual growth in other ways that are just now seeking true recovery. things are changing. more and more, i'm finding people, friends, who are in my corner, and even if they may not be in my pocket on every single point, they are encouraging me to question and struggle. i am discovering strength to be a little more outspoken about my faith.
for example, most people only know that:
i am a worship leader.
i go to landmark.
i love Jesus.
*maybe a couple of extra things, like my passion for dalit people, love for my bff, and charming wit.
i want to go beyond that. not to obnoxiously get in peoples faces about everything i've ever contemplated, or the latest fads in faith that i've bought into, but to say, "hey, you want to know me?, then here, you should know this..."
por ejemplo:
i am a calvinist (i'd actually say more of a hypo-calvinist, since i'm not exactly hardcore- calvinism does have weaknesses just like arminianism).
i am scared to death of the book of revelation. it is time to get over that. soon.
i am not impressed by speeches that make hype about my "worth." i just don't buy into it as the final answer to the question, the x of eternity's equation. when all is said and done, God is still the one getting the glory, not my "worth." this is something that i've heard a lot of every time i've tuned into the latest Christian hit radio station. all of these girly songs that just spiel constantly about, "God makes so much of me," "i'm so beautiful," "i am worth so much," blah blah blah. maybe that's just the feminine perspective on things, but it just slides off my soul and leaves a little annoying stain. kick those little girls out now and give me something manly. something that saves a wretch like me.
though i do have a great respect for older people, i am never very prone to take their every word as gospel. cut to the heresy of arius, circa 321. he was an old and respected guy, quite up there in the ranks, and his teachings on the doctrine of the Trinity were overturned in light of the corrective teachings of athanasius, a young guy who was around 40 years arius' junior. as john piper put it, this was "a lesson in how the younger generation may be more biblically faithful than the older." i wouldn't make such a huge deal of something like that, except that a few weeks ago i had to sit and listen to a bible professor preach about how the concept of salvation by grace through faith was nothing more than theological hodgepodge. ignorant.
that's 4 for now... i think i'll update with more as i come along. my fear of being branded a heretic is being slowly shed. not that i am suddenly freed to annoy the crap out of everyone who disagrees, but i think i have the freedom to be loved by others who disagree with my positions as much as i try to love others who i happen to differ with. i am working out things as much as i expect others to, and deserve no less respect than them. here's to a little more some time soon! peace out.
check it out - 01.20.07
vapor - 11.15.06
can't complain - 11.10.06
turn the page - 11.09.06
who invented the word "me-maw"? - 09.28.06